Pain, Rage, and Sorrow
by Mister Nemesis
Summary: In the process of being rebooted
1. Waking

Title: Pain, Rage, and Sorrow

Content: Angst, Mild Violence, Language

Disclaimer: I do not own Neon Genesis Evangelion or Gainax. This fiction is a work of my imagination only, and has no official relation to the actual series.

Warning: Rating and content may change as future chapters are added.

A/N: Ah, how nice it is to return to FF after such a long absence! And now, my friends, I bring you my newest fic, which has been in the works for quite some time on Mediaminer. However, it was recently revised, and I bring it to you now, in all its glory! Don't get the wrong idea, though. This fic is far from finished. Please, after you read, tell me what you think of it in a review. And now, ON WITH THE STORY!!! XD

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Chapter 1

Waking

It was the sound of chirruping insects outside the window and the soft, incessant hum of the air conditioning that woke her. For a few moments, the auburn-haired girl with a figure that most grown men would conquer the world for simply laid there, her chest rising and falling slowly with each breath she took as she listened carefully to the oddly soothing sounds before deciding to wake up completely.

Eyelids fluttered open slowly as she sat up, revealing a striking pair of blue eyes, bleary from having been closed for the past couple of days. The striking young beauty that was Asuka Langley Soryu raised her arm to rub the fatigue from her eyes as she attempted to remember where she was, and how she had gotten here. For a few seconds, her memories were quite blank, but as soon as she brought her arm away and saw she was in the blue-tinged medical ward, a place she had visited many times before, the startling recollections came crashing back into her mind.

In a horrid flashback, displayed in vivid, merciless detail, she remembered that the 14th Angel, Zeruel, had attacked Tokyo-3, using its immense destructive power to rip through the numerous layers of the geo front as if they were nothing more than sheets of rice paper. She, the incredible Asuka, had been the first pilot deployed to intercept the monstrosity, since Rei Ayanami had been injured at the time and Shinji Ikari had resigned and was no longer a pilot for NERV. She launched in the red biomechanical giant known as Evangelion Unit 02, confident that this time, the glory would belong to her and her alone. She was, however, severely mistaken.

She had thrown everything she had at the Angel, blasting it with every kind of weapon in the NERV arsenal, but it was entirely unaffected by her barrage, having been protected by a nearly impenetrable AT field. The only thing her assault had succeeded in doing was inciting Zeruel to counterattack. Even in her darkest nightmares, Asuka could never have imagined the speed and brutality with which the Angel had surgically dismantled her Eva, using its extendable and razor-like limbs to remove first the arms, and then the head of Unit 02. She recalled, with a slight cringe, the mind-rending pain that had devoured her body, and the blissful unconsciousness that had taken her seconds later as the Angel glided past her to continue its destruction of NERV headquarters.

Silently, Asuka bowed her head as she was forced to acknowledge her failure. After a few moments, her hands curled into fists at her sides and her body tensed as the sadness and insecurity she usually kept buried deep inside began to rise within her. Her face, hidden by a curtain of crimson hair, contorted into an expression of wretchedness as she struggled to hold back a flood of tears that threatened to overwhelm her.

Her grief caused her whole body to quiver. What the hell had gone wrong back there? She was a highly trained, fine-tuned killing machine, for God's sake! Asuka didn't understand why she always found it so difficult to accomplish what she had been trained to do, while a boy with almost no training managed to defeat the Angels so much more easily than she. She raised a fist and drove her knuckles into the bed, hard enough to make the whole mattress shake.

"_Why, Goddammit?!_"

Her attempts to dam the river of tears had failed, and now salty water was streaming down her cheeks. She was on the verge of bursting into a sobbing fit when her inner voice broke in again, though this time it carried a much different tone.

"_Snap out of it!_" the voice ordered abruptly, causing her to pause and open her eyes, which were already turning red and puffy.

"_Look at yourself, for Christ's sake! You're Asuka, not some sniveling little worm without a spine! You should be ashamed! Get a hold of yourself!_"

She blinked once or twice in bewilderment then, as if she were breaking out of a trance, she pulled her head back up and wiped her eyes with the back of her hand.

"_That's more like it._"

With a deep breath, the pilot of Unit 02 recomposed herself, quickly rebuilding the emotional defenses she had spent years reinforcing. Within moments, she was back to being the confident, arrogant Asuka that everyone thought her to be. The ever-present sadness still lingered, however, hidden deep beneath the surface.

"_Much better_."

Maybe not, but it was certainly an improvement. Once she recovered, the redheaded teenager finally took a good look around, and at this point she realized something. "_Wait, if I'm inside the medical ward and it's still intact, then that means someone must have stopped the Angel. So, if I didn't do it, then who did?_" The question Asuka posed to herself was sufficient enough to distract her from contemplating the emotional fit she'd just experienced, and her depression dissolved, only to be replaced by bitterness as she thought, "_Must have been Wonder Girl. Knowing the First Child, she probably hopped out of bed and __**volunteered**__ to be sent on a suicide mission._"

"Hmph!" said Asuka, the first thing she'd said out loud since she'd awoken. "That girl would sit up and beg if it meant pleasing the Commander," she muttered under her breath before throwing the covers off her body and swinging her legs over the side of the bed. She then located and pressed the power switch on the machine beside her bed that monitored her vital signs, and yanked a number of leads off her body. She didn't want a bunch of doctors and nurses running into the room thinking that she'd had a heart attack if one of the damn things accidentally got pulled off as she moved around.

With a deep breath, Asuka stood and immediately began to pace around the room in her hospital gown, ignoring the minor muscle spasms she experienced as her legs protested to being used after such a long period of laying idle.

"But if that thing took me down without breaking a sweat, then how could that little puppet have managed to destroy that thing? Even Wonder Girl couldn't have accomplished it with only one arm," she said to herself aloud, puzzled.

Another thought hit her then, and she immediately came to a halt, her eyes wide as she began to consider another possibility. If she had still been hooked up to the machine beside her bed, it would have displayed a sudden spike in her heart rate.

But her train of thought was interrupted as the door to Asuka's room opened, and then broken completely as she looked up to see Major Misato Katsuragi step inside. Her purple-haired roommate/guardian/CO paused as she saw the emotionally charged teenager standing in the center of the room, and smiled softly.

"Hey there," she said cheerfully. "Looks like you're feeling better already."

The young redhead blinked once, and smiled widely as she turned to face Misato, setting her feet wide apart and placing her hands on her hips. "Did you expect anything less than a speedy recovery from the great Asuka?" The confident grin plastered across her beautiful features betrayed nothing of the emotional outburst she had experienced less than a minute ago.

Misato rolled her eyes, still smiling. "Yep, you're definitely feeling just fine." She hadn't the slightest idea of just how incorrect her statement was.

The older woman took another few steps into the room, and continued to speak. "I came here to check how you were doing," she said, "and since you seem to be well enough to be walking around, I need to take you to be debriefed." At this point, the humor faded from her face, and her brow creased with unease. "Normally I'd just take you straight back to the apartment, but there's been . . ." Misato's forehead wrinkled further, and her gaze flickered as she searched for the right term. ". . . Developments and you need to be updated."

Asuka frowned, worried. She wondered what could possibly have happened that she was needed by NERV as soon as possible. After considering what it could possibly be that required her so soon without her post-recovery beauty sleep, she sighed. Whatever the problem, she would handle it. She started towards the door, but halted as Misato put her arm out to stop her.

After the woman gave her a cursory once-over, the smile that she had brandished before returned, except this time it was an outright teasing grin. "Unless you want to walk around in public wearing **that**," Misato said, nodding her head to indicate the white hospital gown, "I'd recommend you change before we leave."

The younger woman blushed in embarrassment, and opened her mouth to say that she didn't have any other clothes with her, but the Major was already one step ahead of her. "Hold on," she said, and stepped outside the room for a brief moment, retrieving a shopping bag sitting just outside the doorway before handing it to the girl. "Here I figured you'd be waking up within the next couple of days, and dropped by the apartment to grab some clothes for you so I could leave them inside your room." She grinned. "Looks like my timing couldn't have been better."

Asuka returned the smile, and gave her thanks as she checked the contents of the bag. Inside, there was a pair of jeans, a white tank top, shoes, and underwear, as well as a few items such as a brush and stick of deodorant in case she wanted to freshen up before she left. "I'll be waiting by the lift when you're ready," Misato said, and left the room, closing the door behind her.

The young redheaded pilot stepped into the bathroom adjoining her room and locked the door before changing. As she was pulling the shirt over her head, she remembered what she had been thinking about before Misato had arrived, and Asuka froze with her top pulled halfway down her torso.

"_Friggin' wonderful. The Hentai Baka must have returned to save the day again."_

And yet, despite her unspoken complaint . . . why did she feel so relieved?

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A/N: Well, people, the next three chapters will be coming to you soon, and hopefully, I'll finish writing my fifth chapter soon. In any case, I'd like to give much thanks to my good friend and fellow fanfic writer, Kanto the Slayer, for looking over this fic and pointing out the flaws in it. What you see before you now is the product of many hours of painstaking beta-ing on his part. Be sure to drop by his profile and read one of his stories sometime. XD Anyways, I must be going now. Nemesis, AWAY!!!!


	2. Briefing

Title: Pain, Rage, and Sorrow

Content: Mild Language, Mild Violence, Angst

Disclaimer: I do not own Neon Genesis Evangelion or Gainax. This fiction is a work of my imagination only, and has no official relation to the actual series.

Warning: Rating and content may change as future chapters are added.

A/N: Here you go! The second chapter. Enjoy. XD

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Chapter 2

Briefing

In a small, freshly paved parking lot located near the outskirts of Tokyo-3, a bright blue sports car belonging to Misato Katsuragi pulled into her clearly-marked parking space, knocking over the small wooden sign displaying her name in the process. The driver-side door opened and the violet-haired Major stepped out into the bright sunlight, looking quite exasperated.

"Damn," she whispered under her breath, quickly walking around to the front of her vehicle and kneeling down in front of the bumper. Growling softly under her breath, she reached out and touched the microscopic ding that had appeared in the gleaming metal. "And I just had this thing buffed too," she grumbled as she stood and straightened the sign she had upset. At that moment the passenger door of the car swung open and the redheaded Asuka revealed herself.

"Maybe you should try prying that block of lead you call a foot off the accelerator every now and then," she muttered as she swung the door shut.

Misato shot her a glare, and responded by saying "Come on, let's get inside or we'll be late and the Commander will have my head on a pike." She started walking briskly across the parking lot, followed closely by the young redhead. A few moments later, they came to a guard post standing sentinel in front of a towering chain link fence. Misato presented their ID's to the guard, and he saluted smartly as the Major and her charge passed into the compound behind him.

Before the pair stood a grouping of white tent-like domes scattered over an area roughly the size of a football field. Several dozen NERV personnel scurried back and forth between them, performing various errands and generally making the place look like an extremely large anthill that had been kicked over. Emblazoned on the side of each hastily-erected structure was the blood red NERV logo and a two-digit serial number. Even though each tent had no markings other than that, Misato was able to figure out what purpose some of the individual domes served simply by looking. For example, she picked out which one Ritsuko supervised immediately, judging by the river of wires and cords that streamed out of the entrance flap. It was designated as 04. She recognized the executive tent next, labeled 07 (Gendo was far too paranoid to have it marked 01, and the dome sporting that number was actually used for storage), this time identifying it by the pair of armed guards that stood on either side of the flap.

As she glanced around, a half-smile appeared on the older woman's face, and she made a grand and exaggerated gesture as she said to Asuka, "Welcome to the new NERV Headquarters."

When Zeruel had attacked Tokyo-3, it had managed to penetrate as deep as Central Dogma before being engaged by Unit 01, severely damaging H.Q. in the process. As a result, NERV was forced to create a temporary base of operations in order to continue functioning as the main facility underwent repair and reconstruction.

Fortunately, the Eva hangar had suffered minimal damage, which meant they were able to repair it quickly and were still capable of launching the Evas should the need arise. Misato had explained all this to Asuka on the trip over from the hospital, in response to the German girl's questions of what had happened after the young pilot had passed out. Of course, those were the _only_ things Misato had been able to tell her. The rest was classified information, and the Second Child would have to wait until the briefing for everything to be revealed to her. As such, Asuka was extremely impatient, and only gave the facilities a cursory glance before saying, "Yeah, sure. That's nice. Can we get to the briefing now?"

The Major sighed yet again and muttered something about kids being too hasty before continuing on towards tent 06, a.k.a. 'the Conference Room'. They stepped through the entrance, and were greeted by the sight of a long oak table with several chairs set around it. A small projector sat in the center of the table, and a collapsible screen was mounted at the table's head. Immediately, the pair noticed that nine people already occupied the tent. Commander Kouzou Fuyutsuki stood beside the screen, while Commander Gendo Ikari sat in the chair nearest to it, his hands folded together in front of his face. Across from the latter sat a man in a business suit that Asuka didn't recognize, but seemed vaguely familiar to Misato. Also seated at various places around the table were Ritsuko Akagi, and Lieutenants Maya Ibuki, Makoto Hyuga, and Shigeru Aoba. Three chairs to Commander Ikari's left sat Rei Ayanami, her red eyes staring blankly at the opposite wall. The final occupant of the tent stood leaning in the corner, as far away from everyone else as possible, his head bowed and his arms crossed tightly over his chest. It was Shinji.

Asuka's breath caught in her throat as soon as she saw him. It wasn't difficult to deduce that he was intensely depressed. She saw it in his slouched posture, his tense and defensive body language, and the bags that hung beneath his eyes. Shinji wasn't exactly the most happy-go-lucky person on the planet, but it was a bit unnerving to see him so depressed. Still, she refused to show any sympathy. To her, sympathy was weakness. On top of that, she was still a bit pissed that he had managed to save Tokyo-3 yet again, while she ended up getting her ass handed to her. And so, the young teenager put on a stoic expression to mask her conflicting emotions, and took a seat at the foot of the table. Misato did the same. No sooner had the pair seated themselves when Commander Ikari began to speak.

"Good. Everyone is here," he said, folding his gloved palms on the table in front of him and looking at the people sitting around the table. As soon as his father started speaking, Shinji came away from the wall and took the only unoccupied seat which was, coincidentally, straight across from Asuka. The redhead swallowed nervously and avoided making eye contact with him, afraid that her emotionless mask might crack under his gaze. For reasons she didn't understand, her heart began to beat faster . . . .

Fortunately for her, this was easy to do since he kept his head bowed and didn't look up. The young German turned her head to look at the screen, forcing herself to tear her attention away from the Japanese boy and focus on the subject at hand.

"Let's begin," said Gendo, and nodded towards Kouzou. The older man picked up a small remote sitting on the table, and pressed a tiny button. The projector hummed to life, and an overhead map view of the Japanese coast appeared.

"At approximately 7:24 AM, the fourteenth Angel, designation Zeruel, was detected by the NERV's orbital satellite array, about 4.2 kilometers outside the city limits of Tokyo-3," began Fuyutsuki, and pressed the button again. A small area was highlighted on the map, marked 'Detection: 0724'. "A UN quick reaction force, made up of a light tank company and an attack helicopter squadron, responded immediately, deploying to intercept the Angel. They engaged Zeruel roughly 20 minutes after it was detected, and radio contact was lost within a minute. Six minutes later, the Angel entered the city limits."

The projector clicked, and an image of the Angel standing on a mountain ridge above the city appeared. "This picture was pulled from surveillance camera footage, as soon as the Angel entered the city limits." Again, the image changed, and this time, the Angel's upper half was obscured by a blinding flash of light originating from its head. "Zeruel proceeded to launch a series of high yield energy projectiles at the city center, creating several extremely powerful explosions and causing an estimated $2.3 billion in damage. These projectiles, nearly rivaling the destructive capabilities of an N2 mine, also managed to penetrate 18 layers of the geo front with the first volley." Asuka, who already knew all of this, cast her eyes upward and made a small rolling motion with her finger.

"Yeah, yeah. Hurry up and get on with it," she muttered. Fuyutsuki either did not notice her little display, or he was ignoring it, for he continued speaking without missing a beat.

"The Angel continued its attack, and subsequently penetrated the geo front, making its way toward NERV Headquarters. Simultaneously, the Second Child, Asuka Langley Soryu, was deployed in Evangelion Unit 02 to intercept Zeruel." At the mention of her name, the young German froze, the color draining from her face. There was another 'click', and an image of Unit 02 opening up on the Angel with an automatic rifle in each hand appeared. The frozen image also showed the high caliber rounds smashing harmlessly against Zeruel's semi-transparent AT field.

"Using a wide array of weaponry, Unit 02 engaged the Angel. However, because of an exceptionally strong Absolute Terror field projected by Zeruel, this offensive had no effect. Subsequently, it counterattacked." _Click_. The picture changed again, and Asuka suddenly felt like vomiting as she saw the razor-like arm of the Angel decapitating her Eva, accompanied by a violent spray of dark blue fluid that erupted from the wound, frozen in time by the photo. She fought down the bile rising in her throat as she re-experienced the vivid memories of intense pain and humiliation.

"Within seconds, the Angel dismembered Unit 02, incapacitating it and the pilot, and it returned to assaulting Headquarters."

Almost at the same time, everyone in the room except the two commanders looked at her. The redheaded girl, ashamed of herself, felt the heat rising to her face as she locked her eyes on the floor to avoid making any eye contact with anyone. Even Shinji's head raised just slightly, the first movement he had made at all since the briefing had begun. A bit of Asuka that wasn't trying its hardest to focus on the floor noticed this, but she bitterly dismissed it as interest in her humiliation.

She wondered why he even looked at her in the first place- she was a total bitch to him, and she knew it. That thought alone only increased her sense of shame, and she struggled to control her emotions.

Some small part of her, buried deep in her psyche, knew that Shinji didn't deserve the things she said and did to him. And yet, she could not help it. Ever since that fateful day, over a decade ago, when her fragile little world had been shattered after her mother's suicide, Asuka had constructed a fortress of emotional defenses to protect her from being affected like that ever again. Unfortunately, these defenses consisted of lashing out at others before they even had the chance to do the same to her; pointing out the flaws of others to distract herself from her own failings; pretending that she was far superior to everyone else, trying to convince both them and herself that she wasn't really as pitiful as she sometimes felt; refusing to depend on anyone else, because she was afraid of being let down . . . . like her mother had, choosing to love that little doll instead of her daughter, and then taking herself away from Asuka . . .

Shinji often found himself on the receiving end of these so-called defenses, thanks mainly to his passive attitude and his proximity to the auburn-haired young woman. And Asuka could no more stop herself from doing these things to him than she could stop breathing. But Asuka didn't comprehend that she also did these things because, sub-consciously, she knew that he was one of the only people who had the power to hurt her most . . . .

Asuka was still wallowing in self-misery when she realized that Fuyutsuki had continued the briefing. Despite her melancholy mood, she was still intensely curious as to what had happened after she had passed out. And so, she shoved her feelings deep down, locked them up, and started listening once again. Asuka started paying attention in time to hear how Rei had attempted to synchronize with Unit 01 in Shinji's absence, and after failing, had no other choice but to launch in the handicapped Unit 00.

"Unit 00's arm had been detached in a previous battle with the 13th Angel, and had yet to undergo repairs by the time of Zeruel's appearance. With reduced offensive capability, and after seeing the magnitude of destructive power this Angel possessed, extreme measures had to be taken." Asuka paused, wondering exactly what 'extreme measures' implied. She didn't have to wait long for an answer.

"Carrying an N2 non-nuclear mine, the pilot rushed the Angel and, before it had a chance to attack, forced her way through the AT field and detonated the device." The German teenager's eyes opened wide as she listened to the account of her Japanese counterpart's suicidal tactics, surprised that the blue-haired girl had been able to come up with a strategy that seemed so stupid, and yet so ingenious at the same time. For a moment, she wondered if it had actually been Rei and not Shinji (a detail that Misato had refused to reveal to Asuka during their ride in the car) that had defeated the Angel. Her speculation did not last long, however.

With another press of the button, Commander Fuyutsuki went to the next image, going from an impressive still-frame shot of the massive detonation to one of Zeruel standing unharmed in the center of an enormous crater. Asuka gaped in disbelief.

"The pilot of Unit 00 was momentarily stunned by the blast, and the Angel used this opportunity to disable it as well." Again, everyone looked at the same person, only this time the subject of their scrutiny was the First Child. Asuka wasn't surprised to see that the blue-haired girl had no reaction to this other than a small frown. "With no obstacles remaining, the Angel continued unheeded towards H.Q. Using its projectile attack, it blew through NERV's final protective layers, and entered the facility."

As she heard what had happened next, Asuka sat up straighter, interested in hearing how the Angel had been defeated. "At this time Shinji Ikari, the Third Child, returned to NERV headquarters, requesting to resume piloting Unit 01." Asuka had the distinct impression that Fuyutsuki had just given them an extremely watered-down version of what had really taken place. She doubted Shinji could have 'requested' to pilot again without some serious drama between him and his father.

"_Cold-hearted bastard,"_ a voice within her spat automatically at the commanding officer of NERV as she glanced at his emotionless features. _"I don't understand why Shinji tries so hard . . . ."_

Asuka, surprised by this sudden mental outburst, reminded herself that she wasn't supposed to care and silenced the voice.

"Permission was eventually granted, and Zeruel infiltrated the command center moments later. Central Dogma was nearly destroyed, along with a majority of the command staff, but Unit 01 engaged the Angel before it had a chance to attack. It lost its left arm in the process. Despite this, the pilot managed to maneuver the target on to one of the Evangelion launch catapults."

A wide-eyed Asuka leaned forward, thoroughly intrigued.

"Both the Angel and Eva were launched to the surface, where Unit 01 proceeded to subdue the Angel." Then, the elder commander started flipping through a series of images on the projector showing the purple Eva fighting with the Angel, smashing its fists against it repeatedly. "Unfortunately, Unit 01 had deployed without an umbilical cable, and before the Angel could be destroyed, the reserve power supply was depleted, forcing Unit-01 to shut down."

Asuka was literally on the edge of her seat by now, completely caught up in the narrative.

"Zeruel recovered quickly, and launched a counterattack, intent on destroying Unit 01 and the pilot." The picture changed yet again, and Asuka's body went rigid as she saw the monstrous creature pummeling the limp body of the Evangelion.

"_Mein gott . . . ."_

Asuka could only stare: the picture showed that the Angel had ripped into the Eva's midsection and was attempting to smash into the core of Unit-01, where the pilot was located. Looking closely, she could see hairline cracks forming on the core's surface. At that point, she realized just how close to death Shinji must have come, and she suddenly felt disgusted with herself, ashamed that she had treated the briefing like some sort of Friday night action flick.

Fuyutsuki paused for a few moments to let them all digest everything he'd just said, and then resumed his report. "At this point, something quite . . . . unexpected took place." Asuka, lost in her thoughts, didn't register his words. What she heard next, though, made her head snap up.

"Despite the fact that zero power remained in the Eva, the Third Child and Unit 01 abruptly achieved a synchronization ratio of 400. Not only that, but Unit 01 regained mobility, and initiated a brutal offensive against the Angel." The redhead gaped, still attempting to process what she had just heard. To her knowledge, a synch ratio of one hundred percent was almost unheard of, let alone a ratio _beyond_ that. The development was . . . . well, astounding, to say the least.

Again, the aging commander flipped through a series of images, each one more horrific than the last. The young teenager watched with disbelieving eyes as the berserk Eva ripped off the Angel's arm and used it to replace its own, with which it attacked the creature without a shred of mercy. When Zeruel attempted to fight back, the biomechanical behemoth beat it down without mercy, and started to rip it apart. Then, for the second time that day, Asuka felt the intense desire to empty the contents of her stomach as she studied scenes of Unit 01 actually _eating_ the dying Angel.

Fuyutsuki proceeded to explain that once the Eva had eviscerated the dying being, it absorbed the Angel's potent S2 engine into itself. "Fortunately, NERV personnel were able to subdue the berserking Unit-01 with cryo-projectors, forcing it into stasis."

More than half the people in the room, the ones who had not been present when this had taken place, did not realize that Fuyutsuki had just neglected to tell them that, after devouring the Angel, Unit-01 had begun to shed the biomechanical restraints that kept the Evangelion in check; he had neglected to tell them that the Evas were actually organic beings with the spirits of human beings contained inside them, and not just a set of giant robots built from scratch; he had neglected to tell them that each and every Evangelion had been cloned from the Angels in order to fight them.

But there was no need for them to know that.

"After being subdued," Commander Kouzou continued, "Unit 01 was returned to base. However, when NERV technicians attempted to eject the entry plug of the Eva, the command was rejected. After trying to retrieve the Third Child for several minutes, the internal monitors of the plug were activated to check the pilot's status. They found this." He pressed a button again, and an image of the inside of the entry plug appeared. The pilot's seat was void, and an empty plug suit was floated lazily in the LCL that filled the plug.

Instantly, an electrical shock ran up Asuka's spine. She glanced towards Shinji, and saw him cringing in his seat. She felt her hand twitch, and experienced the sudden urge to reach out and touch him, to try and ease his pains . . . .

Then . . . .

"_Wait, what the fuck was that? Wh- what am I thinking?! I . . . . I don't wanna go anywhere near him! . . . . I must still be a little out of it . . . . yeah, that's it . . . ."_

As she wondered why the Hell she was blushing, Asuka tuned an ear back towards Fuyutsuki. "After analyzing the situation, NERV's head technician, Ritsuko Akagi," he said, nodding once in the direction of the blonde scientist, "came to the conclusion that when the Third Child had achieved a 400 synchronization ratio, his personal AT field dissolved, and both his body and individual identity were absorbed into the LCL fluid within the entry plug. Once the problem was determined, Miss Akagi formulated a solution involving the use of the MAGI supercomputer system to recompose the pilot's body and soul. Though extremely risky, the plan was initiated. Despite several precautionary measures, it failed, or so it seemed, as the entry plug was ejected and the LCL was drained. However, the pilot was ejected on to the floor moments later, unconscious and restored to his normal state. After a thorough medical examination, our doctors determined him to be in good health, and he has been returned to active duty as an Evangelion pilot."

Now Asuka understood why Shinji was acting so strangely. Who wouldn't be, after an experience like that?

She was still studying the Japanese boy sitting across from her when Fuyutsuki began to speak yet again, catching her attention. "And so, we come to the reason why this meeting was called in the first place. Obviously, after absorbing an S2 engine, Unit-01 would obviously undergo some . . . . changes. So far, NERV's technicians have found that the Eva now possesses an unlimited power supply, and they estimate that several more developments will present themselves as time goes on, thus increasing Units 01's battle efficiency exponentially. In simpler terms," he said, pausing momentarily for effect, "Unit 01 has become a battle asset with great potential . . . . perhaps even the capacity to evolve into the ultimate war machine."

With another _click_ of the remote in the commander's hand, the projector shut off, causing the unsettling image of the empty pilot's seat to disappear from the screen. As soon as he did this, the only person in the meeting that Asuka hadn't recognized stood from his seat near the head of the table, and walked over to stand next to Fuyutsuki.

"Now then, allow me to introduce our guest. This is Kenichi Matsuo, the Japanese Minister of Foreign Affairs." A tiny gasp of recognition came from Misato as she finally realized who the man was, and why he had seemed familiar. Automatically, she straightened up in her seat. "Minister Matsuo has come to us with some important information, and so I now relinquish the floor to him. Minister?" Fuyutsuki bowed respectfully and gestured to the standing area at the head of the table before seating himself.

The Minister, a heavyset man with salt-and-pepper hair, nodded to Commander Kouzou and stood before his small audience. Asuka noted the grim expression on the aging man's face, and immediately knew that something was seriously wrong. Why else would the Minister of Foreign Affairs feel the need to visit NERV? As he cleared his throat, preparing to speak, she couldn't help but wonder, "_What now?_"

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A/N: Again, I must give thanks to Kanto the Slayer for helping me to give this story a much-needed makeover. If anybody deserves your praise, it's him. XD In any case, I would very much appreciate it if you left your opinions in a review. Peace out!


	3. Listening

Title: Pain, Rage, and Sorrow

Content: Mild Angst

Disclaimer: I do not own Neon Genesis Evangelion or Gainax. This fiction is a work of my imagination only, and has no official relation to the actual series.

Warning: Content and rating may change as future chapters are added.

A/N: Here you go, guys. Again, please review when you're finished, Oh, and much thanks goes out to Kaname Langley for my first review. XD

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Chapter 3

Listening

"Thank you, Commander Fuyutsuki," said Minister Matsuo in an aging, gravelly voice, folding his wrinkled and liver-spotted hands behind his back. Matsuo, wearing a navy blue suit with a red tie, appeared to be in his late sixties. His ancient face was filled with crinkled age lines that would have made a raisin green with envy; flaps of skin hung loosely from beneath his jowls, automatically bringing the term 'turkey neck' to mind; his back was hunched considerably from years of carrying around enormous stacks of paper or heavy briefcases for most of his life.

Obviously, this man had been around for quite some time.

The elderly minister raised a fist to his mouth as he prepared to speak, and began to clear his throat noisily. The sound that followed was not entirely unlike a bathtub being drained of muddy water, causing most of the people in the tent to cringe. The horrific sound continued for several seconds before he finally lowered his fist, and said, "Good afternoon everyone."

Folding his hands behind his back, the ancient man began to speak. "As the sub-Commander has just told you all, my name is Kenichi Matsuo, and I am the Minister of Foreign Affairs for the Japanese government. I have come here today to inform you of other important events that have taken place these past few days." At this point, his glassy brown eyes flicked briefly over the room's occupants, his gaze promising grim tidings. Asuka noticed that his eyes seemed to linger on her the longest out of anyone, causing something in the back of her mind to stir nervously. It wasn't a predatory look that he gave her, but one of concern and unease.

"Three days ago," said the Minister, continuing his address, "one day after the events you just heard described to you, an emergency U.N. summit was called to discuss what had taken place. I attended the summit personally, representing Japan. Delegates from every other country on the planet were present as well. Commander Ikari accompanied me to speak on behalf of NERV." He nodded in acknowledgement toward the man he had just spoken of, though the Commander gave no response, his expression hidden behind his folded hands and tinted glasses. Whether Minister Matsuo noticed that he was being ignored and took offense to it or not wasn't apparent, but he continued anyway.

"Things started off nicely enough, and Commander Ikari and I explained the events of that day to the other representatives. However, no sooner had we finished speaking when the accusations began to fly. Several other emissaries started making ridiculous claims that the Japanese government and NERV were conspiring against them. They believed that the entire event had been orchestrated, as part of an elaborate plot to turn these machines that you call Evangelion into instruments of war, and of planning to use them to spearhead a military takeover of other nations. Of course, we denied these claims vehemently, but they persisted with these outrageous charges, and the few representatives who sided with us were accused of being involved as well. Soon, the summit had dissolved into chaos, and it was actually on the verge of becoming violent until U.N. security officers finally dispersed us and requested that we return to our living arrangements. Shortly afterwards, we received word that U.N. officials had declared that the summit was over, refusing to risk any further aggression between the delegates."

Matsuo paused for a few moments to let this information sink in, and said, "Since then, relations between Japan and a number of other countries around the world have dissolved. NERV has suffered as a result of this."

Without a word, Commander Ikari suddenly stood, placing his gloved palms flat on the tabletop in front of him and picking up where the Minister had left off. "The day following the summit, we received word from our one of our minor branches located in Beijing that the Chinese government was demanding immediate access to their facilities, and threatened dire consequences if they failed to comply. We ordered the Beijing branch to deny them. Approximately an hour later, they reported that they had come under attack, and contact was lost a short time later. The next day, various global news sources reported that NERV Beijing had been captured, and had come under the control of the Chinese government. Though we cannot currently confirm this, reconnaissance by our satellite network shows that our Beijing facilities have sustained extensive damage. Repairs are being conducted . . . . but with equipment owned by the Chinese government."

Asuka watched the Commander and listened intently, and though she could not see his eyes behind those orange glasses of his, she imagined that his gaze was probably capable of burning a hole right through the tent wall at the moment. She knew that if the Commander was anything like she thought he was, then he was not a very happy man at the moment. Well, 'not happy' was probably a serious understatement.

"_I'd guess it's more like 'undeniably pissed'."_

The head of NERV continued his lecture, his brow furrowing noticeably above the tops of his glasses. "Then, earlier today at exactly 9:15 AM local time, our communications division received a transmission from an undetermined source. The transmission contained footage of the leaders of several major countries, each demanding that NERV and every one of its branches surrender our facilities, international privileges, and resources, including every Evangelion unit in our possession. They also stated that if we failed to comply, they would resort to military force. Commander Fuyutsuki and I have promptly refused these conditions.

"However," he continued, "one by one, contact with each of our major branches was lost within a few hours of receiving the transmission, with no indication that any of them had come under assault. However, we did receive this," he said, suddenly producing a sheet of plain white paper from a folder that rested in front of him. "The Base Commander of NERV's branch in Massachusetts did manage to shed a bit of light on the situation, sending a final message before communications with them were cut as well." He proceeded to toss the paper into the center of the long table, causing several of the people sitting around it, including Asuka, to stand and crane towards the paper to read what it said.

Upon the paper were seven simple words:

"_We will not die for you, Ikari._"

Asuka barely managed to contain her shock. "_Does . . . does this mean that they've all turned against us?_" She sank back into her chair, her eyes wide and disbelieving. "_How did everything go to Hell so quickly?_" she wondered. A thought occurred to her then, and she bit her lip anxiously as it passed through her head. "_Did all of this happen . . . because I couldn't defeat the Angel?_"

Asuka's body wilted and her head bowed, causing a curtain of auburn locks to fall in front of her face, hiding her expression of self-loathing. "_Of course it is . . ._"

Preoccupied with blaming herself for the entire fiasco, Asuka failed to see that Misato had taken notice of her behavior, and was watching the redhead out of the corner of her eye, lips pressed tightly together in concern.

Finally, the Commander sat back down, lacing his fingers together in front of his face once more. "We must assume that they have all sided with the enemy, and we cannot expect any support from them."

"Enemy?" spoke Lieutenant Maya, voicing the thoughts of nearly everyone in the room. "You mean, we're –"

"Yes, Lieutenant," interrupted Ikari, "We are at war."

Total silence filled the tent, permeated only by the occasional sound that filtered in from outside. The tension in the air was thick enough to drive a snowplow through as everyone digested this new, troubling information.

"War?" said a quiet and timid voice, breaking the silence. In unison, nearly everyone turned their heads to look at the speaker: Shinji. The young boy's head was raised, revealing a grim, tightly-drawn face and a pair of sorrowful eyes. "You mean we're going to hurt people?"

His father, the Commander, didn't even hesitate as he replied, "If we have to, yes."

For a moment, and a moment only, the two of them locked eyes. Asuka, who had also looked up in surprise at Shinji, could have almost sworn she saw sparks flying between them. Of course, it was Shinji who looked away first, turning his head to stare at the tent wall instead. Misato, sitting right next to him, was the only one who saw his fingers curl into a tight, quivering fist at his side.

A hand levitated into the air, belonging to Dr. Akagi. "If I may ask," she said, "Who is fighting against whom? You haven't clarified who our allies or enemies are."

Commander Ikari smirked humorlessly behind his hands. "For once, the Japanese government is on our side." The Minister straightened stiffly at this remark.

"Now now, Commander, no need to let old disagreements get in the way," the older man said haughtily. Gendo sneered.

"Tell that to your superiors," he muttered. The Minister stiffened further, and there was a long, tense pause before the aging politician spoke once again.

"Let's move on." Matsuo cleared his throat yet again (causing many of the tent's occupants to grimace unpleasantly), then said, "To answer your question, Doctor, our major allies are England, Russia, India, and Australia."

At that point, a dark sense of foreboding struck Asuka like a sledgehammer. Matsuo's suspicious stares, the declaration that _every_ major NERV branch around the world had defected, the list of their allies . . . . They were all clues. She felt an icy chill creeping up her spine, and a lump formed in her throat.

"As for our enemies . . . ." The Minister looked her way once again, his gaze cold and wary. Asuka stared right back at him, her eyes wide and disbelieving. She was a deer caught in the headlights: she could see what was coming, she knew she was in its way, but there was nothing she could do to avoid it.

". . . . America, China, France . . . . and Germany."

The face of nearly every person in the tent registered shock as the implications of this dawned on them, and as one, they turned to look at the young redhead with confusion and shock spreading across their features.

Suddenly, Asuka felt very small, very afraid, and very alone.

"On that subject," continued the Minister, "the German president has ordered the immediate return of the Second Child and Evangelion Unit 02 to Germany. As of yet, we have not given them a reply." Abruptly, the aging man placed his hands on the tabletop in front of him, and leaned menacingly towards Asuka who, even though she was sitting at the opposite end of the table, leaned back uneasily.

He fixed her with a stern look, and said, "Commander Ikari has informed me that we will not be relinquishing Unit-02 to Germany. However, whether you will stay with NERV, or return to your home country is entirely up to you, young lady. Whatever your decision . . . . I highly recommend you make it soon." Asuka, her fiery personality temporarily subdued, could only look away to avoid his gaze.

As the Minister pulled away from the table and straightened up, the Commander spoke once more. "Now that that's settled, let's move on to the next issue." His intimidating gaze fell upon the trio of Lieutenants first. "I am officially upgrading our alert status to Orange. I want the effectiveness of every single one of our security measures tested and improved. Second, all essential personnel must report to Headquarters immediately in order to receive updated conduct guidelines. You three are in charge of organizing this."

"Major Katsuragi," he said, looking towards the violet-haired woman, "I want you to set up daily, mandatory combat exercises for all employees. I am also placing you in charge of organizing a NERV militia. Inform the public relations division to begin a recruiting campaign for this militia."

He settled on Ritsuko next. "Doctor, place all three Evangelion placed on indefinite standby, and reinforce the MAGI firewalls and defense systems. I want it done by tomorrow."

His head turned to Rei and Shinji next. "You two will return to your homes tonight and gather whatever items you shall need. Tomorrow, you will be transported to new living quarters within Central Dogma to be placed on permanent standby."

Finally, Ikari swiveled his head towards Asuka. She looked into those orange glasses of his, just able to make out the silhouette of his eyes behind the lenses as he began to speak once again, his tone flat and emotionless. "You will also return home to pack your belongings. Tomorrow, a NERV security officer will come to collect you. You will inform him of your intentions; whether you will remain in Japan, or return to Germany. Depending on your decision, you will either be transported to Central Dogma or the local train station." Asuka, temporarily speechless, said nothing.

The Commander turned his head away, and spoke to the room in general. "Understood?" As one, every person that he had spoken to nodded. "Good."

Commander Ikari stood one last time, along with Fuyutsuki, and folded his hands behind his back. "That concludes this briefing. You are all dismissed." That said, the Supreme Commander of NERV exited briskly through the tent flap, followed closely by his second-in-command. Minister Matsuo was close behind, slipping on a coat and leaning heavily upon a mahogany cane as he left, but not before sending Asuka a final, stern glance.

Ritsuko and the three lieutenants quickly gathered up their notes, shuffling them into thin stacks and tucking them beneath their arms or into folders. The blonde doctor, with Ibuki, Hyuga, and Aoba in tow, waved briefly to Misato as she exited the briefing room. "See you tomorrow," she said to her long-time friend as she disappeared into the sunlight beyond the tent walls.

"See ya," the violet-haired Major replied. She looked around at the only other people left in the room – Asuka, Shinji, and Rei -- and sighed softly. A few moments later, she adopted a half-hearted smile. "Well, that was certainly . . . . ummm . . . . interesting," she said, attempting to break the stifling silence that had settled after everyone else had left. However, her smile faded slowly as she saw she wasn't going to get a response from any of the three pilots.

Shinji was more morbid than usual and, with the exception of his brief question, hadn't said a thing during the entire briefing. Asuka was still trying to digest the fact that Germany, the very country that she had been born and raised in, had betrayed NERV and was now ready to start trading blows with the powerful organization, all because of gross misunderstanding. As for Rei . . . well, she was just being Rei.

Misato sighed a second time, and stood. "Well, I'd say it's time to get going." Glancing at the First Child, she asked, "Do you need a ride home, Rei?"

The red-eyed girl fixed her with a calm gaze, and replied with a simple and quiet, "No thank you, Major Katsuragi. I will find my own way home."

She shrugged, and fixed her gaze on Shinji and Asuka. "Well, let's get out of here you two," she said to her two young charges, who proceeded to rise from their chairs slowly, as if in a trance, and walked towards the exit. Both were lost in thought. As they passed her, Misato smiled encouragingly at them, saying, "Hey, cheer up guys. We're finally going home." However, her smile morphed into a concerned frown as they walked past her wordlessly, without sparing her a single glance.

"Well, maybe you guys will feel better once we actually get there," she said as they slipped through the flaps. Following after them, she mentally added, "_I hope . . . ._"

---------------------

A/N: Once again, review please. YOUR GOD COMMANDS IT.


	4. Talking

Title: Pain, Rage, and Sorrow

Content: Angst, Mild Language, Alcohol References

Disclaimer: I do not own Neon Genesis Evangelion or Gainax. This fiction is a work of my imagination only, and has no official relation to the actual series.

Warning: Rating and content may change as future chapters are added.

A/N: And now, a heavily revised Chapter 4. Yet again, much thanks goes out to my good friend Kanto the Slayer for helping me to give this story a makeover. Oh, and to Ronin109, I shall try harder in the future to improve my writing ((Sweat drop)). Now read, or I shall smite thee!

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Chapter 4

Talking

_Click._

The small noise signaled the end of Commander Fuyutsuki's move as he drew his arm away from the shogi board that sat atop Gendo Ikari's desk. "Your move," he said to the younger man as he rested his palms on the varnished oak desktop, observing him carefully with his well-trained eyes. The other Commander proceeded to lean forward in his chair, and placed his elbows upon the polished wood, contemplating his next maneuver.

The pair sat inside the executive tent at NERV's temporary HQ, playing a game of shogi, or Japanese chess. The aging sub-Commander sat in a steel folding chair on one side of the desk, while his younger counterpart reclined comfortably in a swivel chair behind it. They had been playing the current game for a good length of time, having started it after leaving the briefing over an hour ago, and were currently locked in a tactical impasse. Neither could seem to gain a decisive advantage over the other, an event that didn't happen often when the two men played the game. Kouzou was doing his best to tilt the game in his favor, which was something that occurred even less often.

"_He never takes off those damned glasses of his,_" thought the sub-Commander, staring into the orange-tinted lenses. "_They say that the eyes are the windows to the soul, but one cannot read the soul if the blinds are drawn, and he knows it._" Fuyutsuki tapped a finger impatiently on the wooden desktop in front of him as he continued to stare down the only superior he had in NERV's hierarchy.

At least, Fuyutsuki thought he was staring him down. Thanks to those glasses, he couldn't be sure.

"_And that face of his . . . if he wasn't already wealthy, he could make a fortune playing poker,_" thought the silver-haired man. "_It's a miracle I don't lose_ _every_ _game with him._"

As Ikari pondered silently, Fuyutsuki abruptly broke the silence that hung heavily between them, saying, "Do you really think it was wise to tell the pilots as much as we did? Some of the things we told those three could make them more reluctant to pilot, which is something we just can't afford right now." He raised a silver eyebrow. "You know how much your s-"

Fuyutsuki caught himself before he finished saying 'son'. Even though he had never actually used the word to refer to Shinji in front of Gendo, somehow, he had the distinct feeling that the Supreme Commander of NERV wouldn't appreciate it.

". . . how much the Third Child already despises piloting Unit 01, and if he refuses to fight . . . there's a very good chance we will lose this war."

_Click._

"You think I don't know that, Kouzou?" said Gendo casually as he leaned back into his chair. "I have already considered that possibility. You have no need to worry. The boy can be manipulated to fulfill the scenario, no matter how much he hates me or Unit 01." Fuyutsuki glanced down, noting that the other man had slipped one of his pawns forward, as part of some as-yet unrecognizable strategy.

_Click._

Fuyutsuki discreetly positioned a Gold General to check Ikari's King on the next move by capturing the pawn the Commander had just relocated. "Maybe so, but somehow I do not think that SEELE will be as susceptible to your plans. You know as well as I do how devious the Old Men are. After all, I would bet both my arms that they're the ones who incited this war in the first place; sitting comfortably behind the scenes and whispering rumors into attentive ears; ears that happen to belong to some of the most powerful people on this planet. If they're capable of that, who's to say that they won't find a way to eliminate the threat posed by Shinji? If that happens, our plans will crumble, and everything we have accomplished so far will have been for nothing."

_Click._

The sub-Commander was surprised by the speed with which Ikari made his next move. It wasn't uncommon for the Commander to take several minutes to plan his next maneuver, and compared the past few moves he had made, this one had been lightning quick. It was as if Gendo had been waiting for the move, which, Kouzou realized, he probably had been. "_Where did that Bishop come from?_" he wondered as he watched Ikari remove the General from the board.

"Again, Fuyutsuki-sensei, you have no need to worry," said the Commander, placing the captured piece next to the board on his side of the desk. "The boy has his guardians; namely, the other two pilots. They are perfectly capable of protecting him. SEELE will not have their way."

Fuyutsuki resisted the urge to smile as he considered his options. He had been working steadily to herd in his opponent's pieces into a corner, and so far, his patience was paying off. If things continued to go his way, he would be ripping into the enemy pieces within minutes, and there would be nothing Gendo could do to stop him. At the moment though, he didn't see any decisive moves he could make, so he picked up Ikari's captured Bishop.

_Click._

"Speaking of the other pilots," the ex-professor said as he set the piece down on his side of the board, "what about Soryu? There's always the possibility that she might turn against us. If I had to guess, would say that her loyalties currently lie with NERV, but that could change quickly if she is forced to fight her own countrymen. The Second Child is a double-edged sword. She is a valuable asset to us, but at the same time, she is a dangerous liability. On top of being an excellent pilot, she also knows volumes of critical information. She could very well turn out to be the poisoned arrow in our Achilles' heel." Fuyutsuki raised an eyebrow yet again. "Knowing all this, I have to wonder why you haven't dropped her into a prison cell already, like I thought you would." The silver-haired gentleman glanced up into the reflective lenses of the man sitting across from him. Once again, he mentally cursed the glasses that shielded Ikari's thoughts from him.

"If that turns out to be the case . . ." said the Commander reaching toward the board.

_Click._

". . . She will be handled, and eliminated if need be," he concluded, removing the Bishop Fuyutsuki had placed down only moments ago. Kouzou had to suppress a shiver as he listened to the casual coldness in his fellow Commander's words. He didn't always agree with Ikari's methods. However, he had little choice but to comply with the other man's decisions.

_Click._

"One more question," he said, leaning back in the folding chair once more. "Do you really think we stand a substantial chance of winning this war?"

_Click._

"Checkmate," declared Gendo as he pushed his glasses further up the bridge of his nose. "I would not accept anything less than complete and total victory, my friend. Our plans will not be hindered." He stood, and folded his hands behind his back. "Now then, I have a meeting to attend. You must excuse me, Fuyutsuki-sensei. Thank you for yet another stimulating game." That said, he strolled out from behind his desk, and vanished through the flap. Kouzou could only stare at the board and wonder how Ikari had managed to defeat him.

Sighing as he berated himself for being blindsided so easily, he started to pack the game up. "_For some reason,_" he thought as he put away the board, "_I fear more for our enemies than I do us . . ._"

-----

That evening, somewhere in the residential district of Tokyo-3, a beep that signified a security system being disarmed echoed through an empty apartment, followed moments later by the sound of an automatic door sliding open. The lights clicked on, and Misato Katsuragi strolled into her living space, sighing with relief as she kicked her shoes off. "Jesus, what a day," she muttered under her breath as she moved towards the living room, scratching an itch on her scalp. Close behind her were Shinji and Asuka, who proceeded set their footwear beside the door before following their violet-haired guardian inside.

"Well, isn't it nice to finally be back home?" she said as she turned to the both of them, offering a friendly smile which neither of them bothered to return. Her smile faltered momentarily, but she quickly restored it, determined to snap her young charges out of their depression, even if it meant getting them a little riled up. "So . . . what do you guys say we get started on dinner?"

She focused her gaze on Shinji. "Hey, Shinji, how about some instant noodles with curry?" she asked, trying to elicit a response from him. All she received was a shrug as he tried to avoid her gaze. Again, Misato's cheerful expression wavered. Normally, the young man would have voiced his disapproval (however weakly) against preparing such an unhealthy and repulsive dish. He took a small measure of pride in his cooking, and it wasn't unusual for him to spend hours every night making something that was actually halfway decent. As timid as Shinji was, it was unusual for him to comply with such a request without complaint.

Apparently, things were a bit worse than Misato had first thought.

Suppressing a concerned grimace, she turned to the other teenager who stood before her. "Well, now that I think about it, maybe Asuka and I should make dinner for once to give you a break, Shinji. What do you say, Asuka?" Misato fully expected the headstrong German girl, who went out of her way to avoid doing her chores, to protest violently against having to make dinner.

This was not the case.

"If you say so," was her mellow response as she, too, tried to avoid her guardian's gaze. This time Misato could not prevent concern from spreading across her features. Now there was no doubt in her mind that there was something seriously wrong with the both of them.

Unfortunately, she didn't know how to fix the problem.

Misato concluded that she needed some time to herself in order to think things over. The Major sighed as she ran a hand through her violet hair, and announced that she was heading out for a while to grab takeout instead of having them make dinner. She didn't think it was wise to leave them anywhere near an open flame in their current state.

She made sure she still had her keys with her, and hit the switch that opened the door. "Behave yourselves while I'm gone, okay?" she said as she stood in the doorway. She waited for a response and, after receiving none, shook her head sadly before leaving.

The pair of teenagers dropped their belongings carelessly on the living room floor, and Asuka, to no one in particular, muttered that she was going to watch some TV. Shinji, without looking up, responded that he was going to go to his room. For a moment the two of them stood there, as if there was something they both wanted to say, but couldn't find the right words.

The moment passed, and Shinji marched silently towards his room. Asuka watched his back retreat along the hallway until he disappeared through his door, then slumped on to the couch and flipped the television on. She watched the soap opera that came on for a few seconds, but she quickly lost interest as she thought about the events of that day. She drew her knees up to her chest, and wrapped her arms around them, lost deep in her thoughts.

Asuka started to check off her options as she stared blankly at the flickering images projected on to the screen. She didn't want to leave – as much as she complained about it, she was becoming accustomed to life in Japan. Here, she had friends, like Hikari and, even if she was a little reluctant to admit it, her baka roommate. Back in Germany, she'd never had time for friends. Her instructors had always kept her busy with Evangelion training or University schoolwork. And speaking of Evas, going back to Germany also meant that she would be forced to give up her greatest pride in life: the privilege of piloting Unit-02. She had no doubt that NERV would keep the red Evangelion in Japan, even if she wasn't around to pilot it.

On the other hand, the other agonizing side of the coin, she loved Germany. It was her home. It was where she had been born and raised. There, she would be able to get away from all this bullshit. Sure, life wasn't perfect over there, but if Matsuo's suspicious glares were any indication, things were just going to get worse and worse here in Japan.

She pressed her face into her legs, trying not to let her emotions overwhelm her. "_No matter what I do, I'm going to end up betraying someone._"

Something else nagged at her, attached to the tail end of her previous thought. A name: Shinji Ikari. Even with the way she treated him . . . . Asuka wasn't comfortable with the thought of leaving him here alone, with only a booze-slurping guardian and that pair of retards he called friends to protect him. Though he was a baka, he was _her_ baka, and she'd be damned if –

Abruptly, that train of thought came to a screeching halt, derailing itself in the process. "_What the Hell am I thinking?! Why would I care about that spineless coward? He doesn't mean anything to me!_"

Enter the subconscious, also known as the little voice inside one's head.

"_Jesus, are you even listening to yourself? Do you even know what the word 'denial' means?_"

Asuka recoiled, surprised. When the Hell had she started arguing with herself? "_Don't be ridiculous! I despise him, and everything about him!_"

She heard an amused chuckle in her head. "_And yet, just look at the way you reacted earlier today, when you found out what had happened to him._"

Asuka was a bit flustered now, momentarily destabilized. "_W-well of course I reacted that way! I just couldn't understand how a dummkopf like him managed to pull off a 400 synch ratio!_"

"_Liar. You were worried about him._"

"_No I wasn't!_"

Again, that smug little chuckle. "_And yet, you still call him __your__ baka, who needs __your__ protection._"

Asuka was struck speechless. "_I . . . I . . . he's a weakling . . . I can't --_"

And that's when her subconscious chose to deliver the knockout blow. The coup de grace. "_It makes no difference. So what if he's spineless? That doesn't change the fact that you still care about him somewhere deep down, even if you don't want to. You think Romeo chose to love a Capulet? You think Lancelot wanted to fall in love with the wife of his king and best friend? You can't choose how you feel about someone. You just don't want to admit it because you're afraid that feeling this way is a sign of weakness. You can't deny it, so stop being a coward and own up._"

The auburn haired pilot went silent for a few moments.

"_. . . . So what if I do care about him, just a little? What's your point?_"

"_It's just important that you admit it to yourself. That's all._"

Asuka sighed, no longer interested in continuing this conversation with herself, and tried to turn her attention back to the TV. There was some sort of run-of-the-mill soap opera on, and some woman was trying to profess her love, or something, to some guy. As Asuka reached for the remote, her subconscious spoke to her again.

"_You should talk to Shinji._"

Asuka almost fell off the couch. "_WHAT?!_"

"_It's obvious that he's pretty stressed out right now. It might help if you talk to him._"

"_But --_"

"_**But nothing**__. You don't need to pour out your feelings to him like this stupid soap opera. Just talk. Let him know how worried you are. It'll help him._"

There was a long mental pause as Asuka considered these words, mentally debating the advantages and disadvantages. Eventually, she sighed, and uncurled her legs. "Fine," she whispered out loud as she stood and smoothed out the wrinkles on her clothes. She took a deep breath, and start walking towards Shinji's 'lovely suite'.

Moments later, Asuka stood frozen before Shinji's door, trying to muster a bit of last-minute courage before she knocked. She cursed herself silently for being such a coward, and finally rapped gently on the thin wood. "Shinji, it's me," she said. "Can . . . can I come in?" She held her breath, waiting for a reply, but none came. She repeated herself, and knocked again, but there was still no response.

Even though she had only been standing there for about twenty seconds, she was getting impatient, and she decided that she wouldn't wait any longer. "I'm coming in," she announced firmly, then slid his door open.

The light in his room was off, preventing Asuka from seeing anything for a few moments. "Hello?" she said uncertainly as she took a step inside, looking around cautiously before spotting Shinji's sprawled-out form on the bed. She wondered if he was asleep and if that was why he had not answered her, before her eyes adjusted to the darkness and she noticed that he was listening to his S-DAT with his eyes closed.

"_Jeez, he's always listening to that thing,_" she thought. Strolling over to his bed, she reached down and yanked one of his earphones out, bellowing, "Rise and shine!"

Startled, Shinji bolted into an upright position, nearly falling off his bed in the process. Quickly, he recomposed himself, and he turned his eyes towards Asuka, confusion and bewilderment apparent in his gaze. Asuka nearly launched into a tirade about how he needed to get out more often and get a life instead of listening to his stupid tape player all day, but she remembered the reason she had come in here in the first place, and she forced herself to swallow the criticism.

"What is it?" he asked. "Do you want me to make dinner?" Apparently, he had forgotten that Misato was grabbing takeout. Asuka was rendered momentarily speechless as she tried to summon the words she needed. She wasn't used to doing something like this.

Taking the lack of a response as a 'yes', Shinji sighed softly and stopped the S-DAT as he pulled out his remaining earplug. He stood, his gaze dropping to the floor as he muttered, "I'll get started."

Finally, Asuka found the words she wanted, and quickly said, "Wait."

Shinji paused, though his eyes did not rise to meet hers. "Did you want me to do something else?"

Asuka glanced at the wall as she said, "No, that's not it. I don't want you to make dinner." She dropped her eyes towards the ground, and shuffled her foot anxiously, hoping she was doing this right as she said, "I just . . . wanted to talk, is all . . ."

There was a pause, likely because Shinji was trying to debate whether she really wanted to talk, or if she was just trying to be cruel to him. Either he decided to give her a chance, or he just didn't care what she did to him at this point, because he said, "Talk about what?"

"Well . . ." she replied, tracing abstract designs in the carpeting with her toe, "I just wanted to know . . . are you okay?" She blushed slightly, a bit embarrassed and aware of how unusual that sounded coming from her. Cursing herself mentally for even letting herself be embarrassed, she said, "I mean, you just seem kinda . . . out of it, right now."

He stiffened as he heard her question, though he still didn't bring his head up to look at her. A long silence followed. When he neglected to reply, Asuka assumed that she had touched on something sensitive, and decided that it was probably time to get the Hell out of there before she embarrassed herself any further. "Never mind. Forget I asked,"

Whipping around quickly, she started marching towards the door as fast as she could without actually sprinting, wanting to get away from this awkward conversation. She was moments away from stepping back out into the hallway before she was halted by a whisper from Shinji.

She stopped, and turned to look back at him cautiously. "What did you say?" she asked, unsure if she even wanted to hear it. For all she knew, he was telling her to go away and leave him alone. Fortunately, this was not the case as he repeated his statement.

"Not really," Shinji said, his voice cracking slightly. Slowly, he sat down on the edge of his mattress, slouching and hanging his head dejectedly. "I mean, I just feel kind of . . . powerless . . . You know what I mean?"

Asuka suddenly recalled how she had felt after losing her battle with the 14th Angel . . . and that day, so many years ago, where she had opened a door, and walked in to find the lifeless corpse that had once been Kyoko Zeppelin Soryu hanging from the ceiling . . .

"Yeah, I do," she said quietly as she recalled many unpleasant memories. "Kind of like no matter what you do, it all ends up being pointless in the end, right?"

He nodded. "Ever since I came here, it seems like someone else is always making my decisions for me. In the rare cases when I do make a decision myself, it always seems like I choose the wrong one." He raised a hand, and stared at it for a while, contemplating it as he curled and uncurled his fingers a few times. "What's the point of having these hands if someone has to tell me how to use them? All I end up doing is hurting people with them anyway," he whispered

Asuka considered this for a few moments before she responded, choosing her words carefully. "That's not true," she said softly. "Without those hands of yours, the Angels would have beaten us long ago."

"But because of my actions, so many people have gotten hurt, like Touji's sister and Rei. If I weren't piloting that . . . _thing_, none of it would have happened," Shinji replied, curling his hand into a tight fist.

"Maybe so, but if you weren't piloting, then a lot of people would also be dead," she whispered. "People like Misato, Touji, Kensuke . . . and even me." Shinji seemed to pause, and a few moments later, his fist relaxed into an open palm. "You've saved all of us more times than I can count."

The young redhead realized that what she was saying to him at that moment was more kind and sincere than anything she'd ever said to him before. She could feel her ego rising within her, attempting to take control and shut her mouth before she damaged her reputation any further. Fighting to suppress it, she managed to whisper a final sentence. "So . . . don't give up, okay?"

Having said what she needed to say, Asuka turned and started to leave once again before her pride could regain control and start screaming insults at him, undoing all that she had just said.

"Asuka?" she heard Shinji whisper as she was halfway through the door

"Yeah?" she said, turning back to see what he wanted. Her eyes went wide in surprise as she saw him.

Shinji was no longer sitting on his bed with his head hung, but was standing beside it, looking straight at Asuka. She could see moisture gathering in his eyes, threatening to start streaming down his face at any second. But what caught her eye was the smile on his face. It wasn't the forced, tense grin she usually saw him use, but a genuine one. She couldn't remember ever seeing him so relieved. Suddenly, she couldn't focus on anything but that smile.

"Thank you," he said.

Something fluttered gently in her chest, and Asuka felt her breath catch in her throat. "You're welcome," she managed to whisper. Shinji closed his eyes, and a tear slipped down the side of his face as he sat back down on his bed. Sensing that he wanted to be alone again, the redhead stepped out into the hallway and closed his door behind her. Wondering why she felt so strange all of a sudden, the young German headed back down the hallway.

Walking back into the den, she plopped back on to the couch and picked up the remote as she waited for Misato to return. Flipping through the channels, she settled on a show she liked, and curled up on the cushions to watch. A few seconds later, though, she found that she had lost interest in the program, just as she had earlier that night. This time, however, instead of reflecting upon the war, NERV, and politics, she found herself thinking about Shinji, and his smile in particular.

She felt that weird sensation in her chest again, like a hand was giving her heart a gentle squeeze. It wasn't really unpleasant, though. Just strange . . . and a little nice. She started wondering what it would be like to make him smile like that all the time . . . and abruptly, she stiffened as she realized what she was thinking.

"_Mein gott, what's wrong with me tonight? Next thing I know, I'll be serving homeless people in a soup kitchen and adopting sick puppies._"

Still, for the rest of the night, her thoughts kept drifting back to that smile . . .

About an hour later, the front door of the apartment slid open, and Misato walked in, carrying a couple bags of takeout. "Guys! I'm home!" she called out, slipping her shoes off for the second time that night. "I got dinner from that new Korean place! Hope you don't mind, and if you do, too bad!" She walked into the kitchen and dropped the packages on the table before heading for the den. She was about to crack a joke – something about the two teenagers engaging in inappropriate activities while she had been gone -- when she stepped into the den, and saw Asuka asleep on the couch.

Misato smiled softly. Muttering something about saving the joke for tomorrow morning, she opened a nearby closet and grabbed a spare blanket from the shelf. Then she walked over to the couch and draped it over the rebellious young German, tucking her in gently. As Misato did so, she noticed that a small smile rested on the girl's lips. She blinked in surprise, and her smile widened. She was glad that Asuka, at least, had cheered up while she had been gone.

Misato started to head back towards the kitchen to feed Pen-Pen, but stopped and made a 180 as she decided to check in on Shinji. She crept down the hallway silently, and stopped before his door, sliding it open just enough to poke her head into his room. "Shinji?" she whispered, letting her eyes adjust to the darkness. Just as Asuka had earlier that night, she saw him lying on the bed a few moments later, listening to his S-DAT.

Misato opened the door a bit more and tiptoed over to his bed, and waved a hand in front of his face to see whether he was awake or just listening to music. Satisfied that he wasn't conscious after he failed to respond, Misato grabbed the blanket at the foot of his bed and pulled them over him, just like she had for Asuka.

At this point she noticed his expression, and while he wasn't smiling like Asuka, his face was peaceful, a change from the unease that usually haunted his features whenever Misato checked in on him while he was asleep.

"What the . . ." Misato whispered, scratching her head in bewilderment. A smiling Asuka, she could believe, but a Shinji that wasn't twisting and turning in his sleep . . . well, that was a little harder to swallow. A little confused, she stepped back out into the hallway and closed Shinji's door.

As she walked back towards the kitchen to feed Pen-Pen and grab a beer, she couldn't help thinking, "_What the Hell did I miss?_"

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A/N: Well, there it is. I am currently in the process of writing Chapter 5, and I'll put it up as soon as I can. Yet again, I beg that you leave a review. Also, my beta has left a note for you all below. XD

Beta's Note: It's your resident Fanfiction Mercenary, _**Kanto the Slayer**_, doing his duty to exorcize the demons that possess this chapter. You now see before you the finished, polished product of painstaking labor (it took me a good hour to sift through this). Enjoy the remix!


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